I want to want a normal life, nothing extra ordinary, nothing spectacular, just a normal life and a normal love. I want steadiness, why is that I feel like there’s always something missing?
I mean, I’m pretty sure I have a normal life right now, but I’m always living life waiting to get to tomorrow, or next week, or next year. What is wrong with me? I spent high school waiting to get to university and now that I’m here I’m living dying to get to next month or the month after that, waiting to get out of this country. Why am I always so unsatisfied?
Maybe one of the reasons why I love him is because he fills that void, that emptiness I always feel, that constant emptiness, maybe that’s one of the reasons why I love him so much, because he is the only one so far who has been capable of filling that void, that hole, maybe because with him I’m happy, I feel whole…
I don’t understand people, I don’t understand why they do the things they do and the more I see, the more I understand, the less I like what I see around me, the less I like people, the less I like their intentions.
I just want a normal life, to want normal things, I can’t explain it… everyone lives here so satisfied and blissfully unaware of what the world holds… I just want to be satisfied with what I have, I want to be satisfied with what I’m studying, satisfied with where I am at the moment, but I’m not, I’m not satisfied, I want more, this isn’t the place for me, I’m always wanting more. When I’m here, I want to be there, when I’m there, I want to be elsewhere…
Why can’t I just want what I have? Is it a good thing that I’m always reaching out for more? Challenging myself to things I yearn for?
“Our lives are so hopelessly entangled in the choices of others, we can never have full control over our destiny or fate or purpose or whatever you want to call it. The choices we make will define us, of course, but so do the choices of everyone around us whether we know them or not.”—How to Disappear Completely - David Bowick (via creatingaquietmind)